Peace

Scripture: "All who were sitting in the Sanhedrin looked intently at Stephen, and they saw that his face was like the face of an angel." (Acts 6:15)

Observation: Even in the midst of hardship and opposition, Stephen remained calm and peaceful. I imagine this is because he knew that God was on his side. No matter what was being said about him, Stephen must have known that God had a plan. Rather than worrying about what would happen to him, he seemed at ease.

Application: I am not someone that would be described as even keel. (I don't think so anyway.) I'm pretty emotional, and that includes worrying about silly things. I probably worry most about death. (Maybe it's because I've lost a few loved ones in the past few years.) Of course I want to live to the ripe old age of "Okay Lord, I'm ready to go now" like my beloved Grandma. Of course I don't want my life to end tragically early through some violent crime or random accident. I want to live long enough to see my own grandchildren grow up. But in the end, do I have any control over that? Outside of making stupid life threatening decisions like driving drunk or being alone in a bad part of town, isn't most of my life in God's hands? I want to be in a place where I don't feel conflicted if God wants me in Heaven. Because I hate to admit it, I'm not ready to go yet. In times like these, I think about my friend Andrew. He drowned on a whitewater rafting trip and his wife, my dear friend Melissa, was by his side. If my memory is correct, this was almost four years ago and he was just 28, a few days away from turning 29. (It was so close to his birthday that I had to stop the shipment on his birthday present. Just imagining Melissa's face if that package had arrived still makes me shiver.) I have yet to understand why God decided to have Andrew with him at such a young age, but I hope that He can get me to a place where I am not afraid to be with Him. Andrew didn't have a choice in the matter, and frankly, neither do I right?

Prayer: Lord, peace seems to be a hard thing for me to come by. I'm generally a happy go lucky person, but if things are going wrong, I tend to fall. In my dark times, I let my mind wander and I think about terrible things, like death. I know that death is a part of life, and I know that in death, I would be with You. But I'm not ready to let go of this world just yet. Please help me to find peace in those moments and not to worry about this life so much. You are in control, not me. Amen.

Consequences and Mercy

Scripture: "We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong." (Luke 23:41)

Observation: For every action, there is a reaction. The consequences of my sins should be death and separation from God. And yet, this man, beloved Jesus, died so that I may continue my life with God. It's the ultimate showing of love and mercy.

Application: If I can show mercy on those that wrong me, I can be a better person and better Christian. I have a hard time letting things go right away, and I tend to let it stew until I finally get over it. If I try to show mercy immediately, won't it only benefit me in the long run? Why do I even let Mr. Mean Co-worker get to me? Although his deeds deserve my utmost anger and resentment, what benefit does it serve to stay upset? The bottom line is that he is still one of God's creations, just like me. God loves him, just like He loves me too. If God is merciful to him, shouldn't I be also? It's a tough pill to swallow, considering that I dislike him so much, but it's one I should take if I want this "malady" to get better. It may never go away, but at least it wouldn't be such a nuisance. (God doesn't expect to me to like everyone, does He?)

Prayer: Lord, I have such a hard time dealing with Mr. Mean Co-worker. He has so many bad qualities! (Honestly, I have yet to see any redeeming ones! Seriously!) But I hope that I can get past all of that and just be reminded that even he is someone You love. You have shown mercy on me, and I hope I can show mercy on him when he's being a punk. I cannot change him and his bad attitude, but I can change my attitude toward him. But I need You to help me with that! The next time he's being a jerk, please bestow peace onto me so that I show him mercy immediately. Amen.

How not to feel humiliated when dining alone

I found this Yahoo article interesting. It is so uncomfortable to dine alone, especially at dinner. But why? I've definitely done the bar seating and watching sports. But seriously, why should it be hard to eat alone? Some thoughts to ponder I guess!

If you’re single, travel for business, or just enjoy savoring a meal without small talk, you’ve probably had the experience of dining alone. This can be immensely pleasurable or incredibly daunting, depending on your temperament and overall approach. To ensure your next table-for-one adventure is as enjoyable as possible, BHG.com offers up these time-tested tips for dining alone.

For fine dining at home, try these delicious DIY bistro menu ideas from BHG.com.

1. Be Bookish. Always come armed with reading material. Having something to read not only keeps you from getting bored but also serves as a shield against waitstaff pity or unwanted conversational overtures from fellow patrons. Keep in mind that certain reading choices are better than others due to their portability and fold-ability (good: Sports Illustrated bad: War and Peace). In fact, frequent dining alone might be the real motivation for investing in a Kindle – although be wary of spilled beverages!

2. Try The Bar. For many would-be solo diners, the fear of being surrounded by lovey-dovey couples or raucous groups can be prohibitive. Requesting a seat at the bar is a good solution: Most restaurants will serve the full menu, bar seating is casual and low-profile, and you're likely to be surrounded by other content singletons.

3. Exude Confidence. Stride up to the host or hostess and proudly request your table. Never shrug or say, “just me” as though you’re apologizing. It takes guts to eat alone, and you should command the respect you deserve.

4. Eavesdrop. People in restaurants tend to be drinking, which often results in loud talking, over-sharing, bawdy jokes, or bitter marital brawls. Either way you can (discreetly) listen in on proximate tables and gain valuable insight into the human condition. Bonus points for detecting awkward first-time Internet dates.

5. Befriend Your Blackberry. Most of us are borderline addicted to checking our Blackberries or mobile phones. While it’s impolite to do this in the company of others, it's an absolutely acceptable activity when you’re dining alone: Reading the news, checking your Twitter feed, fondly reading old emails from loved ones, or scanning your secret crush’s Facebook page...the wireless possibilities are endless.

6. Go, Team! Even if you’re not terribly into sports, if there’s a game playing, become a fan for the evening. You’ll be surprised how an entranced gaze up at the screen now and then will give you a sense of purpose, as will a well-timed groan of defeat or hearty fist-pumping “Yes!”

7. Think Like A Food Critic. Pretend you are reviewing the restaurant. Observe the nuances of each course, take in the presentation, note the faults and strengths of the décor and keep a sharp eye on the service. This puts you in a position of judgment – always empowering.

8. Life Is Short, Enjoy The Steak. Finally, remember to relax, enjoy yourself, and focus on the positives of solo dining. Just think: There will be no quibbling over who pays, no awkward pauses, and no drawn-out discussions about your companion's relationship or work problems. You really can be your own best dinner date.

Trust

Scripture: "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." (Luke 16:10)

Observation: This is so true! If I have been burned by someone, especially repeatedly, I have a hard time trusting in them again. However, a loyal and faithful friend is very valuable and I do not hesitate to trust him / her.

Application: In my life, I have come across many people I trust. Usually these friends don't let me down often. But I've also been hurt by other friends. Although I still consider them as such, I keep them at arm's length because I do not trust them. I do not divulge deep feelings and share thoughts. It is much more superficial than a true meaningful friendship. On the flip side, because I know what it feels like to be on that side, I hope that I am one that others can trust. I want to be someone that others can count on. If I make a commitment, I will do everything I can to stick to it and not be flaky. If a friend needs a shoulder to cry on, I will listen. (And sometimes all that is needed is a supportive ear, and not necessarily to give advice.)

Prayer: Lord, I know that I have high expectations of others. It's probably because I want that to be reciprocated. But if those expectations are not met, please help me to let it roll off my back and not dwell on being hurt. I also want to be the kind of person You can be proud of. Amen.

Evolution of me and Paul

So five years ago today, Paul and I became a unit. Five years! Funny how things start...

1. I'm dating a guy, let's call him "Portland", but I start to develop a teeny crush on Paul.
2. Portland and I become exclusive. (I thought there was a future with him and Paul wasn't making a move.)
3. Shortly afterward, Paul asks me out. What bad timing! I have to politely decline since Portland was my boyfriend after all. But I really, really want to say yes!
   
4. A few months later, Portland and I break up. I start pursuing Paul, since my crush on him never quite went away, and actually became stronger after Portland and I broke up. (That should have been a sign that my heart wasn't with Portland. But I thought it was just harmless crush at the time.)
   
5. Paul shoots me down. DOH! But we continue to hang out and spend time together.
   
6. On January 15th, 2005, we find ourselves alone and we begin talking about "us". He's not sure he wants to date anyone from work. I say, "Let's just give it a chance, huh? See where it goes."
7. And the rest is history!

Timing certainly wasn't on our side in the beginning. But that was probably for the best. You see, in my younger days, I certainly had a "type". And Portland fit that type. (As did a few others before him.) Paul did not. So if I ended up dating both of them, I probably wouldn't have appreciated Paul then. It took a couple of guys that were my "type", to see that the "wrong" guy was the right guy all along.

Mover and Shaker

I can say (almost) definitely that my little guy gave me a little kick last night! Previously, I would feel movement but was unsure if it was him. Last night, I had little doubt.

Being in the second trimester now is so much better. Pregnancy is friggin hard, that's for sure! Yes, yes, it's all worth it in the end. But the process is grueling!

The next "to do" list item is getting the nursery together. I want to start working on it while I still feel pretty good and not wait until I hit my third trimester. I'm 20.5 weeks now, so there's still plenty of time. I just don't want to procrastinate too much...

Life is Good

Sometimes I have to remind myself that life is good. It seems so mundane, I know. But it's so easy for me to complain about a lot of the little things. So every so often, I need to take a step back and take a look. And it's a pretty good view right now.

• I'm sitting here with a beautiful, purring kitty. The other two kitties are pretty darn cute too.
  
• My husband is awesome. He's my prince, my love, my future.
  
• Our baby is healthy. Now let's hope for an easy delivery and an easy tempered kid!
• We're both still working full time.
• Our families rock.
• Our friends rock.
• We're plugged into a church that fits us and our small group is fantastic.

I know there will always be ups and downs. I just hope I'm able to keep things in perspective!

Obedience

So my C3G (my church small group) is keeping me accountable for Life Journaling. Good thing too because I needed a good kick in the pants! So here is my first entry, even though I received my Life Journal close to a year ago!

Obedience

Scripture: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23)

Observation: Following Jesus must be a daily commitment. It requires obedience and dedication.

Application: Just saying that I believe is not enough. I need to make a stronger commitment to Him. My devotion to Chris should at least mirror my love and devotion to Paul. (But not the same kind of way obviously.)

Prayer: Lord, I know you have been knocking for a while, and I haven't fully let you in. I have only opened the door. Please continue to work within me and be patient with me. I hope that I will soon be at a point where You are not only inside, but a permanent guest. Amen.