Mommyhood

Oh my gosh, I can't believe this is my first post since I had Jared. There really isn't much time to blog nowadays... Some news and notes:

• JD is now 11 weeks old, but is the size of a 4 month old! As of last week he was 13 pounds, 10 ounces and 26 inches long. Yowza! He also has a pretty big head and giant thighs. However, he's not chubby, just long, like Paul.
  
• He is in the best mood when he wakes up from a good nap. He is super smiley and babbles quite a bit. It's adorable! But he tends to be camera shy. As soon as I whip out my iPhone, camera or Flip, he gets distracted and stops doing the cute thing he was doing a second before.
  
• We now have a routine, but not a schedule. During the day, he usually naps for 45 minutes to an hour (I'm lucky if it exceeds an hour) and he eats between 2 to 3 hours. If I get to leave the house, it's after he's had a short nap so I can load him up in the car and go to my destination. Then I feed him when he's hungry. Luckily, he sleeps between 4 to 5 hours at night, starting at 9:00 or 10:00.
  
• I'm also trying to anticipate his needs before he needs them, particularly when he's hungry. When he's screaming for food, I know I'm too late!
• He is still a champion spitter. And the smell of that formula is gross. We burp him over a ratty old towel on the floor and after a while the room starts to stink. That's when we know it's time to change it!
  
• The formula (Nutramigen) is so expensive that I'm buying it on eBay. It's usually a sample size, but I don't care. It's cheaper than going to Target!
• I was having a super hard time trying to take care of him that I totally broke down about two weeks ago. I mean, a complete breakdown. I had mini ones before, but this one was bad. Now my in-laws are helping me a lot and I'm finally understanding JD more, so it's been so much easier. Everyone told me it gets easier at the three month mark, which he's almost at, but I think part of that is purely understanding him and his needs, not just that he's easier to manage.
• I'm going back to work after Labor Day. I never thought I'd say it, but I kind of miss work! I would love to be a stay at home mom full time, but it's not what I thought it would be.
• We got a new car and I love it! It's a Honda CR-V EX with four wheel drive. The ride is so smooth and I'm so glad to have power everything and an MP3 input. My Civic was in the pits and it wasn't worth fixing. It was a 1999 with 160,000 miles and manual everything: windows, doors, etc. It's also easier to get JD in and out of the car seat. Here's a picture of it from the Honda website:

And here are some of my favorite pictures of Jared so far:

a big boy already

I think this is the first picture with his eyes open.

my two boys asleep

one of the pictures from his birth announcement

Paul and Justin's first Fathers Day

I can't believe he used to be that tiny.

a month old

one of the funniest faces I've seen

I love his smile!

He loves to suck on his right fist!

He has so much fun in his bouncy chair.

I would do anything for that face!

Give Them What They Want

Scripture: "Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will do." (1 Samuel 8:9)

Observation: Israel wanted a king for the wrong reasons and God allowed it to happen.

Application: Prayer usually involves asking God for something. But what are the right things to ask for and what are the wrong things? Israel got the king they asked for, but they rejected God in the process. Yet God gave them what they wanted. I suppose the message is, "Be careful what you wish for because it might bite you in the end." I'm not entirely sure; I'm a bit confused.

Prayer: Lord, the verse jumped out at me, but I'm not sure I understand it completely. Do You answer a "wrong prayer request" to provide a lesson? Or is there no such thing because Your will is always done? I hope I get some clarification. Amen.

Random Thoughts

ON PREGNANCY:

• I've had a pretty easy pregnancy thus far. Does that mean I will have a difficult labor?
  
• Jenny McCarthy's book, Belly Laughs, is an easy short read and relatable.
  
• I didn't think I would still need feminine products, but lo and behold, pantiliners are still necessary.
  
• Holy crap! Babies are close to two feet long when they come out! (Thanks for that revelation Janny!)
• My belly button is still an innie, just not as deep. Go figure. I thought all innies turned into outies.
• Luckily, my feet haven't gotten bigger. Not yet anyway. Knock on wood...
• Old Navy has cute, inexpensive maternity clothes. But the sizes run big. I was a XS / S pre-pregnancy, so I bought S during the pregnancy. Most of them are still big on me, even this late into my pregnancy.
• Kicking doesn't hurt nearly as much as slow, stretching movements. He is really strong now as we're nearing the finish line!
  

ON LIFE:

• Why are there tennis balls on walkers?
• I wish I had a super tight knit group of girl friends that I saw multiple times a week, a la Friends and Sex and the City. My best friends live in Austin, Texas! The girl friends that I do see more than once a week are the gals from work. And I do love them, but we see each other at work and don't hang out in the evenings as much.
• Why does the Canadian government condone barbarically killing baby seals? It's cruel and inhumane, especially they are killing these adorable creatures for only their fur. I'm banning Canadian products until they stop being so gosh darn mean! I was able to watch the first five seconds of this video until I saw a mean guy bashing a baby seal with a club and I had to shut it off. It's just too sad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf5tNXpUtkY

Freedom

Scripture: "Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Corinthians 3:17)

Observation: Due to sin, I should be punished to death and separate from God. But because of Jesus, I have been given grace and freedom from this punishment.

Application: Jesus gave up His life for me and my freedom. That shouldn't be taken lightly. However, it's so easy to take all of this for granted. Especially considering that there are some Christians out there that could be killed in their countries for worshiping God. I have it so easy compared to them.

Prayer: Lord, You paid for my freedom with Your own life-- tortured to no end and sacrificed it all. Please help me to remember that on a daily basis, not just around Easter. I can worship You freely, without condemnation or fear for my life. Others do not have it so easy. While others are forced to worship You in private, I can do so from rooftops. That is something I should take advantage of. In this regard, You have provided freedom to me in two ways. Thank you! I am so blessed. Amen.

All Connected

Scripture: "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it." (1 Corinthians 12: 26)

Observation: This is so true on so many levels! It's easy to relate to. For example, physically, if my sciatic nerve pinches, my entire body is rendered useless. Within my family, if Paul gets a promotion, everyone (my parents, his parents, all the siblings, etc.) is happy.

Application: The body of Christ is just that-- a body. We are all one unit. I believe I am a compassionate person by nature, but am I spiritually compassionate? It's easy to rejoice with one another, but am I doing my part when someone is suffering?

Prayer: Lord, I need to do more. I have compassion and empathy, but I don't think I'm doing enough within the Christian community. Meaning, if a friend needs help, I do everything I can outside of the spiritual. I'm not doing enough within Your world, especially spending time in prayer. And I mean deep prayer, not just the simple one-way conversation that I normally do with You. So now that I know what I should be doing, please guide my heart into really doing it. Amen.

No message today...

So I have to be honest, Paul and I forgot to do our Life Journals yesterday. So I read yesterday's chapters, but nothing is speaking to me. Am I just not quite "in the moment"? What's going on here?

Be Helpful

Scripture: "If you see your brother's ox or sheep straying, do not ignore it but be sure to take it back to him." (Deuteronomy 22:1)

Observation: It seems so simple. Help others, be concerned for others.

Application: It should be easy to help friends and family in need. But how about helping strangers? Just today, an old lady had dropped her compact on the floor and didn't realize it. I pointed to it and Paul picked it up and handed it to her. It was a very small gesture, but she seemed to really appreciate it. Simple acts of kindness to strangers should be a part of every day life. Because even strangers can be brothers.

Prayer: Lord, I think I'm pretty good at helping others. I don't think I turn my back on those in need. However, please help me not to judge others that are not this way. I can only control what I do, not what others do. Amen.

The Next Generation

Scripture: "Keep his decrees and commands, which I am giving you today, so that it may go well with you and your children after you and that you may live long in the land the Lord your God gives you for all time." Deuteronomy 4:40

Observation: I worry about raising my son well. But as long as he is a Christ-centered man and I instill that in him, the rest should fall into place. God will be with me, helping me raise him.

Application: I need to "keep his decrees and commands" so that I may pass that along to my child. I need to set a good example for him. How can I expect him to be Christ-centered if I'm not? My grandma is my inspiration in this regard and I should strive to love Christ the way she did. Her focus and drive to be nearer to God was exceptional.

Prayer: Lord, Grandma was, to me, the ultimate Christian. She was such a good role model for me and I can only strive to be like her; to be as close to You as she was. I pray that I may be that kind of person for my son. That he may look to me and want to be close to You because I draw close to You. I still have a long way to go, but I know that I will be a successful mother as long as he loves You.

Unclean

Scripture: "What comes out of a man is what makes him 'unclean.'" Mark 7:20

Observation: Obviously, no one is perfect and there is so much evil in this world. It is what is in my hearts that make me unclean.

Application: Jesus lists a few evil thoughts: sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. I certainly have had a few of these! I am very much unclean. And I'm also human. But I should strive to be more like Christ.

Prayer: Lord, I am so unclean, but I know that You can make me clean. Just like I was baptized in your Word, You can shower me with Your love and forgiveness and make me clean again. I know this happens on a daily occurrence so I end up dirty again at the end of each day! Thank you for giving me a clean body, heart and mind when I need a shower. Amen.

Goodness and Love

Scripture: "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." (Psalm 23:6)

Observation: David had so much faith in God and trusted Him completely.

Application: I need to have that kind of faith, knowing that goodness and love will follow me because the Lord loves me that much. If I dwell in the house of the Lord forever, what is there but goodness and love?

Prayer: Even through the hard times, Lord, I know You are with me. Like David, I have Your goodness and unfailing love with me. Please help me remember that on a daily basis. Amen.

Giving

Scripture: "In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" (Acts 20:35)

Observation: Although receiving does feel great, giving feels even better. It sounds pretty cheesy, but I think it's true.

Application: I do tend to give quite a bit in different ways: I donate money to various charities, I like to give thoughtful gifts, I really make an effort to maintain relationships. But I probably need to give more of myself to God and do more of His good works.

Prayer: Lord, I think I'm a pretty good "giver", but please reveal to me how I can be a better giver for Your glory. I know now is not exactly the best time, being pregnant and all, but maybe there are little things that I can do? Just let me know! Amen.

Forgiveness

Scripture: "Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you." (Acts 13:38)

Observation: Only through Jesus's sacrifice am I forgiven from my sins.

Application: Just because I'm a "good person" doesn't mean my sins are forgiven or that I'm going to Heaven. I can't do good deeds or butter my way into God's heart. Only through Jesus's death and resurrection am I forgiven.

Prayer: Lord, I know I am forgiven because of You. Jesus paid my all of my debts in full-- past, present and future-- so that I may be nearer to You. I am eternally grateful and humbled that You love me that much. Amen.

Peace

Scripture: "All who were sitting in the Sanhedrin looked intently at Stephen, and they saw that his face was like the face of an angel." (Acts 6:15)

Observation: Even in the midst of hardship and opposition, Stephen remained calm and peaceful. I imagine this is because he knew that God was on his side. No matter what was being said about him, Stephen must have known that God had a plan. Rather than worrying about what would happen to him, he seemed at ease.

Application: I am not someone that would be described as even keel. (I don't think so anyway.) I'm pretty emotional, and that includes worrying about silly things. I probably worry most about death. (Maybe it's because I've lost a few loved ones in the past few years.) Of course I want to live to the ripe old age of "Okay Lord, I'm ready to go now" like my beloved Grandma. Of course I don't want my life to end tragically early through some violent crime or random accident. I want to live long enough to see my own grandchildren grow up. But in the end, do I have any control over that? Outside of making stupid life threatening decisions like driving drunk or being alone in a bad part of town, isn't most of my life in God's hands? I want to be in a place where I don't feel conflicted if God wants me in Heaven. Because I hate to admit it, I'm not ready to go yet. In times like these, I think about my friend Andrew. He drowned on a whitewater rafting trip and his wife, my dear friend Melissa, was by his side. If my memory is correct, this was almost four years ago and he was just 28, a few days away from turning 29. (It was so close to his birthday that I had to stop the shipment on his birthday present. Just imagining Melissa's face if that package had arrived still makes me shiver.) I have yet to understand why God decided to have Andrew with him at such a young age, but I hope that He can get me to a place where I am not afraid to be with Him. Andrew didn't have a choice in the matter, and frankly, neither do I right?

Prayer: Lord, peace seems to be a hard thing for me to come by. I'm generally a happy go lucky person, but if things are going wrong, I tend to fall. In my dark times, I let my mind wander and I think about terrible things, like death. I know that death is a part of life, and I know that in death, I would be with You. But I'm not ready to let go of this world just yet. Please help me to find peace in those moments and not to worry about this life so much. You are in control, not me. Amen.

Consequences and Mercy

Scripture: "We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong." (Luke 23:41)

Observation: For every action, there is a reaction. The consequences of my sins should be death and separation from God. And yet, this man, beloved Jesus, died so that I may continue my life with God. It's the ultimate showing of love and mercy.

Application: If I can show mercy on those that wrong me, I can be a better person and better Christian. I have a hard time letting things go right away, and I tend to let it stew until I finally get over it. If I try to show mercy immediately, won't it only benefit me in the long run? Why do I even let Mr. Mean Co-worker get to me? Although his deeds deserve my utmost anger and resentment, what benefit does it serve to stay upset? The bottom line is that he is still one of God's creations, just like me. God loves him, just like He loves me too. If God is merciful to him, shouldn't I be also? It's a tough pill to swallow, considering that I dislike him so much, but it's one I should take if I want this "malady" to get better. It may never go away, but at least it wouldn't be such a nuisance. (God doesn't expect to me to like everyone, does He?)

Prayer: Lord, I have such a hard time dealing with Mr. Mean Co-worker. He has so many bad qualities! (Honestly, I have yet to see any redeeming ones! Seriously!) But I hope that I can get past all of that and just be reminded that even he is someone You love. You have shown mercy on me, and I hope I can show mercy on him when he's being a punk. I cannot change him and his bad attitude, but I can change my attitude toward him. But I need You to help me with that! The next time he's being a jerk, please bestow peace onto me so that I show him mercy immediately. Amen.

How not to feel humiliated when dining alone

I found this Yahoo article interesting. It is so uncomfortable to dine alone, especially at dinner. But why? I've definitely done the bar seating and watching sports. But seriously, why should it be hard to eat alone? Some thoughts to ponder I guess!

If you’re single, travel for business, or just enjoy savoring a meal without small talk, you’ve probably had the experience of dining alone. This can be immensely pleasurable or incredibly daunting, depending on your temperament and overall approach. To ensure your next table-for-one adventure is as enjoyable as possible, BHG.com offers up these time-tested tips for dining alone.

For fine dining at home, try these delicious DIY bistro menu ideas from BHG.com.

1. Be Bookish. Always come armed with reading material. Having something to read not only keeps you from getting bored but also serves as a shield against waitstaff pity or unwanted conversational overtures from fellow patrons. Keep in mind that certain reading choices are better than others due to their portability and fold-ability (good: Sports Illustrated bad: War and Peace). In fact, frequent dining alone might be the real motivation for investing in a Kindle – although be wary of spilled beverages!

2. Try The Bar. For many would-be solo diners, the fear of being surrounded by lovey-dovey couples or raucous groups can be prohibitive. Requesting a seat at the bar is a good solution: Most restaurants will serve the full menu, bar seating is casual and low-profile, and you're likely to be surrounded by other content singletons.

3. Exude Confidence. Stride up to the host or hostess and proudly request your table. Never shrug or say, “just me” as though you’re apologizing. It takes guts to eat alone, and you should command the respect you deserve.

4. Eavesdrop. People in restaurants tend to be drinking, which often results in loud talking, over-sharing, bawdy jokes, or bitter marital brawls. Either way you can (discreetly) listen in on proximate tables and gain valuable insight into the human condition. Bonus points for detecting awkward first-time Internet dates.

5. Befriend Your Blackberry. Most of us are borderline addicted to checking our Blackberries or mobile phones. While it’s impolite to do this in the company of others, it's an absolutely acceptable activity when you’re dining alone: Reading the news, checking your Twitter feed, fondly reading old emails from loved ones, or scanning your secret crush’s Facebook page...the wireless possibilities are endless.

6. Go, Team! Even if you’re not terribly into sports, if there’s a game playing, become a fan for the evening. You’ll be surprised how an entranced gaze up at the screen now and then will give you a sense of purpose, as will a well-timed groan of defeat or hearty fist-pumping “Yes!”

7. Think Like A Food Critic. Pretend you are reviewing the restaurant. Observe the nuances of each course, take in the presentation, note the faults and strengths of the décor and keep a sharp eye on the service. This puts you in a position of judgment – always empowering.

8. Life Is Short, Enjoy The Steak. Finally, remember to relax, enjoy yourself, and focus on the positives of solo dining. Just think: There will be no quibbling over who pays, no awkward pauses, and no drawn-out discussions about your companion's relationship or work problems. You really can be your own best dinner date.

Trust

Scripture: "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." (Luke 16:10)

Observation: This is so true! If I have been burned by someone, especially repeatedly, I have a hard time trusting in them again. However, a loyal and faithful friend is very valuable and I do not hesitate to trust him / her.

Application: In my life, I have come across many people I trust. Usually these friends don't let me down often. But I've also been hurt by other friends. Although I still consider them as such, I keep them at arm's length because I do not trust them. I do not divulge deep feelings and share thoughts. It is much more superficial than a true meaningful friendship. On the flip side, because I know what it feels like to be on that side, I hope that I am one that others can trust. I want to be someone that others can count on. If I make a commitment, I will do everything I can to stick to it and not be flaky. If a friend needs a shoulder to cry on, I will listen. (And sometimes all that is needed is a supportive ear, and not necessarily to give advice.)

Prayer: Lord, I know that I have high expectations of others. It's probably because I want that to be reciprocated. But if those expectations are not met, please help me to let it roll off my back and not dwell on being hurt. I also want to be the kind of person You can be proud of. Amen.

Evolution of me and Paul

So five years ago today, Paul and I became a unit. Five years! Funny how things start...

1. I'm dating a guy, let's call him "Portland", but I start to develop a teeny crush on Paul.
2. Portland and I become exclusive. (I thought there was a future with him and Paul wasn't making a move.)
3. Shortly afterward, Paul asks me out. What bad timing! I have to politely decline since Portland was my boyfriend after all. But I really, really want to say yes!
   
4. A few months later, Portland and I break up. I start pursuing Paul, since my crush on him never quite went away, and actually became stronger after Portland and I broke up. (That should have been a sign that my heart wasn't with Portland. But I thought it was just harmless crush at the time.)
   
5. Paul shoots me down. DOH! But we continue to hang out and spend time together.
   
6. On January 15th, 2005, we find ourselves alone and we begin talking about "us". He's not sure he wants to date anyone from work. I say, "Let's just give it a chance, huh? See where it goes."
7. And the rest is history!

Timing certainly wasn't on our side in the beginning. But that was probably for the best. You see, in my younger days, I certainly had a "type". And Portland fit that type. (As did a few others before him.) Paul did not. So if I ended up dating both of them, I probably wouldn't have appreciated Paul then. It took a couple of guys that were my "type", to see that the "wrong" guy was the right guy all along.

Mover and Shaker

I can say (almost) definitely that my little guy gave me a little kick last night! Previously, I would feel movement but was unsure if it was him. Last night, I had little doubt.

Being in the second trimester now is so much better. Pregnancy is friggin hard, that's for sure! Yes, yes, it's all worth it in the end. But the process is grueling!

The next "to do" list item is getting the nursery together. I want to start working on it while I still feel pretty good and not wait until I hit my third trimester. I'm 20.5 weeks now, so there's still plenty of time. I just don't want to procrastinate too much...

Life is Good

Sometimes I have to remind myself that life is good. It seems so mundane, I know. But it's so easy for me to complain about a lot of the little things. So every so often, I need to take a step back and take a look. And it's a pretty good view right now.

• I'm sitting here with a beautiful, purring kitty. The other two kitties are pretty darn cute too.
  
• My husband is awesome. He's my prince, my love, my future.
  
• Our baby is healthy. Now let's hope for an easy delivery and an easy tempered kid!
• We're both still working full time.
• Our families rock.
• Our friends rock.
• We're plugged into a church that fits us and our small group is fantastic.

I know there will always be ups and downs. I just hope I'm able to keep things in perspective!

Obedience

So my C3G (my church small group) is keeping me accountable for Life Journaling. Good thing too because I needed a good kick in the pants! So here is my first entry, even though I received my Life Journal close to a year ago!

Obedience

Scripture: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23)

Observation: Following Jesus must be a daily commitment. It requires obedience and dedication.

Application: Just saying that I believe is not enough. I need to make a stronger commitment to Him. My devotion to Chris should at least mirror my love and devotion to Paul. (But not the same kind of way obviously.)

Prayer: Lord, I know you have been knocking for a while, and I haven't fully let you in. I have only opened the door. Please continue to work within me and be patient with me. I hope that I will soon be at a point where You are not only inside, but a permanent guest. Amen.